Pumpkin, pumpkin, pumpkin eater!

Okay so no one is eating any pumpkins, but about a week ago the kids and I had a "Pumpkin Festival" all on our own, I painted their faces and we did some arts and crafts adn then.. we did pumpkins! The kids had so much fun, and it was great to see them enjoying the day so much.

Bits and pieces of ramblings from my head, and other blogs I may never write.

(DISCLAIMER READ ME FIRST: Any negative comments posted on certain subjects in this particular blog will be deleted)



1.) The kids are taking turns being sick, they were nice enough to do this while I was sick - to distract me
      from my own sickness I'm sure?
2.) Alhanna's birthday party was last Saturday, one person was nice enough to rsvp and show up.
     More then a little disappointing but a lot of fun regardless.
3.) Michael won his first soccer game on Saturday, he's telling anyone that will listen. He makes my heart
     smile!
4.) I'm gearing up to be one of those super busy soccer mom types. Michael in Soccer, Alhanna is going
      to be signing up for dance, and Logan will sign up for something at the YMCA (or maybe also do
     dance for a bit!) until the next round of ice skating lessons start (gotta get him ready for hockey!).
5.) Brendan came to visit the kids yesterday, once Alhanna warmed up she enjoyed it. Michael was, as
      always very excited about the entire thing. I wish he'd visit them more, they need it.
6.) I need a car... I need a car... I need a car.... I was going to buy one today but the woman is being
      flip floppy and isn't sure she wants to sell it now so, I'm not buying her damn car!
7.) For a country that claims to be "land of the free" we sure do have a lot of laws restricting our
      personal freedoms, and yet no one wants the laws that would enhance our freedoms and basic
      rights (such as health care for all, equal educational opportunities for all, equal opportunities for life
      in general to all). We live in an ass backwards society and it's actually a pretty scary place at times.
8.) The US, a land I love and grew up in, is heading for a scary place. I'm actually surprised with all the
      fear mongering fox news does that Obama has survived this much of his presidency, his secret  
      service must be very busy keeping him alive (thankfully). Between the republicans, deomocrats, tea
      parties, and people who are just sick of them ALL, things are really going to start to get ugly. It's a 
      fight of maintaining the status quo of typical, hate filled, religious bible thumping, ancient minded
      America vs the moving forward, changing, evolving, accepting America and I think it's going to get
      a lot uglier before it gets better.
 9.)  I need to write a blog about the women hating culture that surrounds us, I just haven't gotten around
       to it yet... someday though... someday I will!
10.) Last night my 8 year old asked me a question I was totally unprepared for. He asked me what sex
        is, and I realized I was wholly and completely unprepared for this question, I evaded and promised
        to talk about it at a later date. I then googled something along the lines of "talking to your kids about
        sex"... at which point I was informed by both planned parenthood and parenting.com that I am a
        slacker mom! I think I'll write an entire blog on that subject too...
11.) I really want this camera , in fact I might even be willing to beat someone up for it! Okay not really,
       but I'd like to take some photography classes next year and that is the camera I want to have when
       I do.
12.) I'm incapable of putting foundation on the left side of my face without doing the right side at the same
        time, yes I know it's weird but I noticed it this morning.
13.) I'm closer to 30 then I am to 20, I realized this the other day and I'm not really sure when that
        happened! Well, I guess logically it happened the year I turned 25 (that is after all when numbers
        start rounding up not down), but I just don't know where the last 8 years went!
14.) I'm not really sure I actually have a number fourteen but I don't like the number thirteen so.. there it is!

Lost in thought... lost thoughts?

  I'm not really sure where the last week or so went since I last wrote in here. I always mean to take the time to write at night but... good intentions don't always work out exactly as planned. This last week has been pretty busy, Michael had his first soccer game on Saturday and that was pretty good. He scored two outta three goals and was really proud of himself (as well he should be!). His grandparents from Tampa came down for the game which was a nice little surprise for him, and we went to lunch after at Applebee's.
 Now, this is a restaurant I have always enjoyed, but don't think I'll be going back to for some time. I'm not sure that I've mentioned before but, I'm spending a year as a vegetarian. The reasons behind it are a blog all their own, but it boils down to a challenge to myself and reducing my footprint on this world. Anyways, going out to eat as a vegetarian hasn't been an issue yet, most restaurants have a lot of vegetarian friendly options (even just the ability to substitute a veggie burger patty in the burgers). I've never had a problem finding something to eat, that said... Applebee's has no options for vegetarians (aside from like.. a basic garden salad). Needless to say, I was very dissapointed!
  Sunday was a relax day, we didn't do much of anything. I went to Target and got invitations for Alhanna's party. She's having a little Halloween themed birthday party. I'm a little worried because there are only 6 girls in Alhanna's class, and I doubt they will all come so... I think this is going to end up being a pretty tiny possibly slightly lame party for her. I just want it to be perfect. She's already feeling down about her birthday, all she wants is to have Christopher around for her birthday/party/Halloween and it's hard on her that she doesn't get that. As far away as January seems for me, it feels even longer for her.
  Speaking of missing Christopher, Michael doesn't talk about it much but I can tell he's really missing him too. I'm worried about the effect that internalizing all his emotions is having on Michael. I try and get him to talk to me a little bit at least. It's not easy though because he's a boy and has apparently already taught himself to keep his feelings on the inside. His grades at school are not great, and this isn't normal for Michael. He's not giving his school work all of his attention, he's rushing through work, and not paying attention to what's being asked of him. I know my son well enough to know that this all has to do with missing Chris. He bottles up how he's feeling, and it messes with his attention/focus because that's whats on his mind a lot. So, I have to figure out how to help him through that and get his grades back up.

... So I started writing this yesterday, then got hit with a killer migraine and stopped. Now I've lost my train of thought so I guess that's it for this very stellar /sarcasm\ blog!

Measure your life in love

   Recently I watched a debate on the topic of open relationships vs closed relationships. I can see, understand, and respect the feelings and opinions on both sides of this debate. I take no issues with opened or closed relationships personally. A few things about this discussion really got me thinking, one thing I noticed was, both sides of a debate claiming to be open minded while closing their minds to the other side of the debate. To me that shows how much we still have to learn. As a society we frown upon things that are different then the cultural norm. Gay marriages are wrong, women having sex with multiple men are sluts, men having sex with multiple women are awesome, a woman in open relationship is promiscuous, not to long ago interracial relationships could be included in this list, not to long ago women working instead of staying home to be good little house wives could be included in this list, not to long ago.. a lot of things could be included in this list. Humans are still a young species, we're still growing, we're still evolving.
   However, in order to continue to evolve, continue to grow, we need to step away from the things we are programmed to think are acceptable, step away from the "values" we are taught, away from the religiously charged superior "morals" that are instilled upon us from a young age and take a good hard look around us. We are taught as young children that our parents have so much love to go around, it can reach out and hug us, as well as any siblings we may have, any cousins we have, our grandparents, our aunts/uncles etc etc. Then as we grow older we are taught that that is one kind of love, that the other love, the love we offer to our boyfriend/girlfriend/alien lover/whatever is only big enough for one person. We are taught an idea that goes against basic logic, that goes against what we are born feeling. We are taught that love, amazing, infinite in possibilities, the most abundant resource we have at our fingertips, is finite. That it has a limit, that it can only go so far and can only do so much. We are taught to think the opposite, not only of the truth, but opposite of what is born into us. We are born with the potential to love all and taught that is wrong. We are taught that the love that is given to us by a person is measured in whether or not it is only given to use. We are taught that the only possible way someone could love us is if they love no one else. We are taught that love belongs only to one man and one woman. We have (mostly) evolved at least to accept that love doesn't see skin color or nationality, but can't accept that it doesn't see gender? We are taught that there is a right kind of love and a wrong kind, we are taught what I like to call selfish love.
   We are taught to put ourselves and our desires before that of anyone else. The idea of "out of sight, out of mind" is so drilled into us that it becomes second nature. Women are persecuted and STONED to death for an affair, we barely blink. Women are treated as property of their husbands, we don't blink. Natural disasters devastate the world (and even in our "own" country) and we don't blink. It isn't happening to us, it isn't in our backyard, it isn't in front of our face or in our line of sight, so it doesn't exist. Until it is in our backyard, until it is happening to us, until it is in our face. It's time that people open their eyes and look around, it's time that we see that the things that happen other places can (and in some cases do) happen here. We aren't Americans, we aren't French, we aren't Russian, Chinese, or Mexican, we aren't the lines that have been drawn on the globe separating us into different countries. We are humans, one people, filled with one love. Everyone has the basic human RIGHT to be loved, to be accepted, to be allowed to live a life filled with their happiness and able to love who they want, how they want. Every person, that is human right, that is the only thing that truly matters in this life. The love we have and the love we give freely. To be a truly open minded, evolved people, we'll have to realize that our way is not the only way.


 Love, compassion, understanding, and respect - these things make the world go round, now if only we could all accept that.

"Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace"
   Imagine - John Lennon

"
All of your cars and all your money and every victory you claim-
You can’t take them with you when you go.
So call me a saint. call me a sinner, but I will stand and be delivered
To the one thing- the only thing I know that I know for sure and it’s love 
 ...
It’s about hope and faith in compassion and dignity.
It’s about one man to another, like all men are brothers and this whole world- it is our home.
And if we’re stuck here together, maybe we can make it better- if we don’t try, we’ll never know."
    Love - Third Wheel Tuesday

A field of Memories

     Isn't it funny how the smallest things can take you back, to a moment, to a memory, to a field of dreams you once had.
    There are certain songs that in an instant teleport me to different times in my life. Ridiculous songs from the early ninety's such as "C'mon N' Ride it (The Train)" by Quad City DJ , or Cotton Eye Joe  can take me back to the first dance I ever attended. Reminding me how nervous I was walking in, not sure where my friends were, and everyone was doing the dance to C'mon N' Ride it. Some random person grabbed my hand and pulled me in and there I was, dancing my first "dance" at my first official dance. Through out my middle school years Sarah, Kyleigh, and occasionally a few other people went to so many of these dances at the Tringali Center. There was a lot of fun, a lot of ridiculous dancing, and of course a lot of boys. I can listen to these songs now and look back and laugh at how silly we were as young pre-teen girls, but remember fondly all the fun we had. Later, once we'd out grown really GOING to the dances, we worked them for community service through the Jay-Teens program and that is a whole other chapter of my life that I remember fondly. Those of course are not the only memory provoking songs, any pop-female song from the 80's such as "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cindi Lauper, can take me into many car rides with Sarah in which we blared our 80-mix fun CD's. Or "Count On Me" by Default, the first song Chris ever told me made him think of me. Not your typical "love" song but it's our song, and I can't hear it without smiling at the memories it brings me. Christina Aguilera's "Fighter" has always been my go to song when I needed to be reminded that I am strong enough to get through the things life has thrown at me. During a time when I have been worried about losing my grandparents, and also thinking to the grandparents I have already lost Miranda Lambert's The House that Built Me and FM Static's "Tonight" remind me of the support I was given growing up by my amazing grandparents (on my dads side), and though I didn't appreciate how great a loss it was to my life when my moms parents passed away.. I am reminded of the things my grandma did with my brother and I, the ways she tried to bring us little bits of happiness she never gave to my mom. The point is, the power of song is amazing. The memories it can remind you of, the feelings it can provoke, the thoughts it can make you think, it's all just.. powerful. Music is the language of love, the language of our souls, the thing that connects across any language barrier.

 Music isn't the only thing that can take you, or well more specifically me, back and remind us of things from our past. There are pictures that speak a thousand words, and with one look can bring back entire chunks of my life. Smells that in an instant make me feel as if my grandma, who admittedly I wasn't even that close to, is right here next to me. Or a smell that can make me feel like I've come home. So many things, that when we slow down, allow ourselves to be present in the here and now and not so focused on the future, can remind us of where we've been and how we've gotten just where we are.