I know I haven't written in awhile, I don't want to say I had writers block because it isn't entirely true. I did a little, but also I've just been busy! So today, while making a status on facebook I was hit with a second of guilt for what I was writing and with that, I had an idea for my next blog.
The status in question was actually something really simple, about Michael, homework, and how much I don't enjoy doing it with him. The feeling of guilt I spoke of? Because there is something about being a parent that I don't enjoy. Now, I know most of my parent friends totally get this. Still though, that guilt feeling is there. We're conditioned, more or less from the time we're old enough to understand anything, that as women we're going to grow up and have children. Even in this "new" age of independent women, out at the work place doing their own thing, they're still being pressured by a friend, a relative, the looks they get if they say they aren't interested in having kids "at least not yet". We're conditioned to do it and love every moment of it. It's what we're made for after all right? The view is, that we should be so thankful to have the blessing of little people in our lives that every single moment should just be an amazing adventure. Talk about rose colored glasses.
I am thankful for my three little miracles of life don't get me wrong, I appreciate that I have them, I cherish them, I enjoy most moments with them. Then there's the moments I don't enjoy, the temper tantrums, the bratcapades (as I like to call them), the having to clean up their puke when they're sick, the late nights when they can't sleep, the getting peed on when a tiny one with a too small for her body bladder crawls into bed with me and has an accident, the doing homework with my 8 year old headstrong son. There's these moments that are just not fun, and every time I think that I would rather be doing anything but dealing with one of these not so enjoyable moments I'm hit with guilt. I look around in the store to make sure no one saw me obviously frustrated at my 3 year old's temper tantrum, I cringe as I think that I really can't stand doing homework with Michael, and so on. I feel guilt for the perfectly human part of being a mom, because let's face it - it's only human to not enjoy these things. So as I posted that status on facebook, and was hit with the feeling of being ungrateful for being allowed to sit here doing homework with this amazing but frustrating little boy, I realized that it's okay to feel these things. Will that stop me from the occasional pang of guilt for not enjoying parenthood's sucky little moments? No, probably not, however I will stop myself and remind myself it's okay to not enjoy them... Right?
