A Blog of a Different Colour

  Now that I'm done ranting... I'd just like to say I love my crazy life. I have been head over heels in love with the same man for almost seven years. As most of my readers know, this love hasn't always come easy. It hasn't always been something I could even talk about. There was a time where my life was blown apart, and I didn't think I'd be able to ever say out loud to him again "I love you."  I went through a lot of misery before I realized, I'm going to keep loving him and that's okay. So that's what I did. For almost two years of not being together, I lived my life. I went out, I worked, I had a life, and I nurtured my friendship with the father of my babies. We rebuilt from the ground up with trust, friendship, and more love than I could ever have imagined... from thousands of miles apart.

  I can honestly say, there were times where I thought all we would have was that friendship. I was okay with that. He was (and is) my very best friend. He knows me better than anyone else in this world. He knows when I need to be nurtured and hugged, and he knows when I need a verbal slap across the face so to speak. He knows me, he gets me, he loves me. He knows my moods without me even really saying anything. He knows how to make me smile when all I want to do is cry. He is my soul mate. No one has ever touched me the way he has, and if friendship was all we would ever have.. I could have been completely content with that. That wasn't going to be the case though, and I'm a lot more content with that.

 Let me try and start somewhere that makes sense...

  Two years ago I had to come back to Florida to take care of some things. To be honest, the decision was made hastily and for the wrong reasons. It lead to a lot of problems we were having coming to light and being all we could focus on. So he stepped back and said, we can't do this anymore. We have to stop this. It hurt, a lot. I didn't know what to do or where to turn. For so long I had let my life revolve around him and us, that was part of the problem. This thing that I viewed as such a horrible event, ended up being the best thing that could have happened for me and for us.

 Eventually I picked myself off of my tear soaked bed, I got a job, I started finding things to occupy myself. I found myself. The me I'd lost somewhere along the lines. The friend he had fallen in love with. I found myself, and I grew myself. I've already written about all of that somewhere else, but it's worth repeating this... if you do not love yourself, you can not love someone else or expect someone else to love you. Loving yourself is the key. I found that key and I'll never lose it again. I wasn't the only one journeying either, he went on a journey of his own. There were things he needed to deal with and explore, and he did that. I walked by his side along the way, quiet and subtle, but always there if he needed me. He did the same for me, repaying that favour was only fair. I never intruded on his life, but we slowly rebuilt trust and friendship. I never made secret of my feelings, we didn't play games with each other, we just... walked and talked (metaphorically not literally). I think it's fair to say, we were walking along two roads that were close enough for us to rebuild, but not so close that we were shoving each other off the road. As we walked, the roads grew closer together .. until we came to a point where we had the choice to continue together or alone.

  We chose together. He chose together first. He took my hand and said walk with me. How could I say no? A lot of people won't understand. A lot of people may question what we're doing. A lot of people don't get unconditional love. I'm not wearing rose coloured glasses, I see him and he sees me. You have to see to love, and god do I ever love. This man, my best friend, my future husband, my soulmate, the father, he is amazing. Not despite anything, but because of everything. He is amazing. Not perfect, but certainly perfect for me. I am blessed. I am in love. The road we're on now, it will be bumpy, it won't always be smooth sailing, but I don't care, because I will have my arms wrapped around him, and he will have his arms wrapped around me.. and together, we will weather any storm and conquer any bumpy road.

 My only complaint is that I can't find a mountain tall enough to shout my love from, so that everyone can hear. I guess facebook will do, eventually.