Warning: This is a lot of rambling.

   One of the things I've realized in the last year, is that it is really easy to blame others for mistakes that we make, for decisions we make, for choices that we think we can handle. It's very easy to look at these choices and say "well if you had done this then I could have done that". Here's the thing though, you have to make choices and decisions for yourself, without expectation of what others will or won't do - because they can only make decisions for themselves as well. You can't control what other people do, just like they can't force you into decisions or choices.

  In other news, last night at work was intense. It's tax-free weekend in Florida, for all your back to school needs. Picture the weekend before Christmas. That's what my store is like this weekend. It's flipping insane. On the plus side of things, I was training a new girl for the fitting room last night and our store manager told her "you couldn't have a better teacher!". It's small but, it's such a nice compliment from the top of our stores food chain. Later in the night my TL told me that she felt like she'd really hit the jack pot with me, that also felt really nice to hear. I applied for a new position last night, same department just more responsibilities. I'm excited about it, fingers crossed!

  I only have 3 weeks of bear left. This breaks my heart. I miss him already and he isn't even gone yet. I am so sick and tired of the judgement that I receive because Logan lives with his dad. It's fucking ridiculous. I know that what others think doesn't matter, what matters is that I know the truth and so do Logan and Chris. However, it is disheartening sometimes to try and do the right thing only to be hit so hard with what people think about it. I can't stand the assumption that I am somehow less of a mother because I happen to be selfless enough to realize that he has a better quality of life with his dad. Not because he is loved more, not because I can't provide for him, not because there is something wrong with ME. No, it's because his dad lives in Canada. Somewhere with an amazing school system, an amazing health care system, and a fantastic openness and kindness towards others. It is a wonderful place to raise a child, and if my child can have his life up there, why wouldn't I allow him that? It's astounding to me how much Chris has to defend me. First, why do people even feel like they need to have an opinion on me or our situation? Second, you don't know me. You don't know us. You don't know our family. Being a parent isn't about treating your child as if it's some extension of you. It isn't about treating your child like a barbie doll you get to dress how you want, teach what you like, and groom to be a new you. Basically, children aren't accessories or toys. They are mini humans. Your job as a parent is teach them independent thought, to trust in their imagination, to nurture their natural born qualities like love and compassion, and to do what is best for THEM not what is best for YOU.

 I think I'm done rambling for now, maybe :p